it never rains in South[ern] Carolina....

in my own private thoughts, i've often wondered how pastors preach thru their pain. when called upon to eulogize a loved one or close friend, deliver a Sunday sermon in the midst of intense emotional turmoil, or minister to the sick & dying, assuring them of eternal life when they themselves are facing their own doubts, ministers have to learn how to press past their personal, human issues in order to fulfill the mission that God has placed on their lives. i've often stood in awe while watching ministers that i admire take on the tasks above, and i have wondered to myself where they draw the strength to stand and deliver instead of retreat and surrender to their bruised and battered emotions. as is par for the course for me, i felt God saying to me 'KW, i'm glad you asked,' as i was faced with that very crossroads in my own experience, and called upon to push "me" aside to go forth into what He was asking of me to do.

as many of you reading this blog know, for the past couple of months I have been planning and preparing for a 2 week mission trip doing outreach for the poor in a depressed urban community in Greenville, SC. i am working as a partner with a Franciscan Sister to work on leadership training with 7th and 8th graders, as well as doing home visits to elderly residents in the community. when i applied for this program earlier this spring and was accepted, the excitement welled up in my spirit. i enjoy service and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do faith-based work with an underrepresented population: poor people of color. besides running into some logistical obstacles early on with securing care for PC while i am gone, everything was moving along smoothly. i counted the days and communicated regularly with my ministry partner (Sister Margie), as well as the administrator of the program which is called Franciscan Common Venture (www.osfdbq.org).

Then, the bottom fell out.

The 8 days or so leading up to the trip were the hardest that i've encountered in quite a while, and the multiple, simultaneous situations that were going on caused me to end the week completely void of any spiritual strength. i felt completely empty and like i had absolutely nothing to give to the people that i was planning to come and serve. i couldn't believe that what had once been an excited and anxious spirit coursing thru my veins had been replaced with the exact opposite. though i generally adapt well to new environments, i had much apprehension and trepidation about coming to an unfamiliar place in the midst of my own personal storms and having to deal thru that in the presence of people that i didn't even know. my constant prayer was to be refilled, otherwise, i wasn't going to make the trip.

as i boarded the plane this morning, i reminded myself of the statement that many ministers repeat in their public prayers just prior to delivering a sermon: 'Lord, allow me to decrease so that you might increase..' it came to me that this week of 'decrease' was purposeful--that i absolutely had to be completely emptied of some things in order to move KW and her ambitions out of the way so that He might be glorified. it ultimately didn't matter whether i did a service project in Greenville or on the West Side of Chicago near my home--whatever i did for Him had to be by His direction and guidance only. only once i was forcibly moved out of the way was i able to have my storage emptied, my humility tested, and my ear and heart hearkened to precisely how those same ppl that i have watched and admired learned to move past their 'stuff' in order to fulfill the call. so, i pulled myself together, got my mind right, and pressed my way.

i landed in leafy green, rain-soaked Greenville late morning today, and was greeted by the smiling face of Sister Margie. today was a holiday, so we spent the day having an indoor picnic, playing dominoes (which i lost at terribly!), hiking once the rain stopped, and watching 'The Bachelorette.' most of you know that i am a reality TV junkie, but i was prepared that i'd miss all of my shows while i was here. imagine my shock when 8pm rolled around and Sister Margie requested that we watch that, which we did, and laughed at the antics of the contestants! unfortunately, she doesn't watch most of the trashy shows that i watch, so i waited until she went to bed to get my 'Real Housewives' fix. my addiction will be fed while here--yay :)

tomorrow begins day one of the real work. we will be spending time with the elderly in the Sterling Community of Greenville--listening, visiting, and sharing. i have no idea what to expect other than to be transformed, and that, in itself, is a GREAT expectation!

stay tuned...