reason, season, lifetime

truth be told, this topic of 'reason, season, lifetime' has been on my mind/heart for some weeks now. unfortunately, as has been known to happen to those of us who sheepishly call ourselves 'writers'--the words/thoughts/ideas were all jumbled up in my brain, but i couldn't string them together into anything that made sense enough for the lovely, dedicated readers of this blog (and yes, that means YOU,lol). but, as has also been known to happen to those of us who sheepishly call ourselves 'writers'--an aha! moment today rounded out my thoughts, and gave me the exact words to put to e-paper. so, here goes......

so, yesterday i had a 3hr chunk of time between work appointments and i decided to make the local Panera Bread my 'mobile office.' it was right in the middle of the lunch rush, and, even in the pouring rain, folks had made the trek to get their 'U Pick 2,' so seating was at a premium. i finally snagged a table in the far corner (with an outlet for my laptop--yay!) and got to work on a turkey sandwich and some emails. the crowd eventually dwindled and a group of 4 ladies came in to meet for lunch. they were seated about 2 tables away from me, but as the noise dwindled down and their conversation got lively, i couldn't help but eavesdrop (by accident...hey, they were my background noise). these ladies all appeared to post-menopausal age, and they had a ball while they were there. they laughed, talked about every topic under the sun from travel to health to husbands/boyfriends to what bank they had their retirement fund saved in. they playfully chided each about the heaps of food on their plate, and some talked over others when they were trying to make a point. when i left after 2.5 hours, they were still there--giggling, sharing, loving.

now, i have no idea how long these ladies had been friends, but i would assume probably for quite a while since i've been told that the older you get, the harder it is to make friends. maybe that met at work years back before they all retired..or maybe their kids were friends and they met thru playdates, high school athletics and proms. maybe they met thru church activities or community service. no matter the genesis of their friendship, it was very obvious the connectedness of the four of them and the pure joy that they had just hanging out, eating lunch, and being with the girls. as i walked out of the restaurant, i sent my friend a message about this simple, yet profound thing that i had just observed. i said to her 'i hope that'll be me and you and the rest of my friends one day.' she completely understood.

as an only child, the selfish pieces of me never really wanted a sibling growing up. i used to secretly pray that my mom wouldn't have a baby and i would plot my escape juuuuust in case the unthinkable happened! looking back on it, i now laugh because as i went to college and became an adult, the tide turned and i starting wishing that i would have had a sibling. i envied my friends who did have siblings (even ones they complained about). i believe that the Friendster in me was partially borne out of that desire for a sister. i took (and still take) my friendships very seriously, and, as i've been told, have probably doled out that title way too liberally.

some years ago, my best friend/sister-of-the-heart introduced me to the concept of reason/season/lifetime. she would always tell me that everyone that comes into your life is not necessarily there forever. there are people who truly are there just for a reason (and not always a good one!), a season (to help you grow/teach you some things), or for a lifetime (very rare & very special). our job is to pay attention, to respect and value the relationship, to take from it what we need and to give to it what we have been called to give...and if/when the time is up, to let the ship sail. i used to kick/scream/pout at this concept because the reason/season part=not forever. and, as the person who HATES goodbyes and who grieves loss like no other...well, i couldn't get with that concept. i wanted folk that would be around FOREVER and WHENEVER...but, as all who've lived just a little bit of life know: nothing lasts forever (so be honest, babe--thanks, Maroon 5 :-)

since becoming the mother of this Special Child named PC, i've had a lot of folk come in and out of my life--either directly or indirectly related to her birth/existence on this earth (funny how God works). many of the ppl that i've met in the last 3+ yrs since i first found out i was pregnant have been b/c of PC: other [single] moms, friends of friends, parents of PC's classmates, church members who watched my belly/baby grow unbeknownst to me, sorority sisters that i've only ever met electronically...the list goes on and on and on. and, as is to be expected, some of those relationships were for a reason and/or only lasted for a season, while others i know will be for a lifetime. PC's first name means 'wisdom' and her middle name 'God will increase' and it has proven to be true. b/c thru being her mom, i have become wiser about myself, about what it means to be a friend, about loving, and about letting go. i've learned that things change/people change/dynamics change, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. i've learned that unresolved feelings can make even a great relationship irreparably broken. i've learned that ppl show up (and God shows out thru them!) right on time.

and, i've also learned what it means to 'choose' your family, when you're away from those who are related to you by blood.

so, as i watched those ladies yesterday, i thought to myself how much i wish for that. for 30 years from now to be able to meet my girlfriends for lunch and laugh, love, and have a good time. to have those girlfriends be not only ppl that i met long before now and long before there was ever a PC...but also for those that i have met during the last few years and also those that i will meet along the way...'sisters' that have yet to be born. as unrealistic as it sounds, i wish for no more seasonal friends, and instead only those that will be there for a lifetime.

in that, i also wish to be a better sisterfriend--to be more loving, more patient, more kind, more generous. to give more grace and more forgiveness. to know when to speak the truth in love--and how to receive it. and to know when to say when.

to be a better person 30 years from now than i am today.

cheers to sisterfriends :-)