So, some really crazy mess happened to me tonight, and i was all prepared to do my blog/purge combo and share all the details....but, i've decided that it isn't worth the time it would take to type, or the additional aggravation to the carpal tunnel flare-up in my right wrist.
however, i will say this: please let no ONE or no THING steal your joy! let nothing stand in the way of what you've worked hard to accomplish--being in a good place, comfortable, joy-filled, surrounded with love. those things are priceless and CANNOT be taken away from you.
just this week, i commented on my FB page that i was very grateful to have a rich, joy-filled life surrounded by love, laughter, and lessons. i may not always have everything that i *want,* but i certainly have everything that i NEED. i am FULL, ya'll and that is a GREAT place to be.
i trus that many of you--my faithful blog readers--are where i am.....and, if you're not, that you're working your way there....
even when you get there, there will be moments that will test you---darts that will graze your skin, but that won't leave more than a flesh wound if you deflect them with gratitude and recollection of all that is GOOD in your life.
one of PC's favorite shows is 'Yo Gabba Gabba' on the Noggin Channel. Tonite, in the midst of the darts being shot my way, i ran across one of the episodes. the characters were singing a song called 'shake it off' and one of the lines was: 'if you get a little hurt, you gotta shake-shake-shake it off."
written for a 3 year old, but wisdom for a grownup.
i got up, shook it off, looked for the laughter, and sat down to write.
i hope that each of you will find that unique & effective way to remind yourself what really matters...
and to SHAKE OFF all the rest!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
let me tell you what i'm NOT...
i stole the title for tonight's blog from a friend's Facebook status from last weekend. she used that line verbatim. when i saw it, it made me LOL, primarily because, in my mind, i could hear her voice & see her facial expressions while she was saying it. when i commented on her status, she replied by telling me the story of who and what prompted her to post to begin with. simply put, just another case of folks underestimating her prowess, taking her kindness for weakness, and otherwise pushing buttons that under normal circumstances, it might not be advisable to push. a judgment call gone wrong.
as i sat thinking about what to write about tonight, that line jumped into my head again....as i reflect on the events of the past few days, weeks, and even hours--the many of the self-imposed changes i've been going through....
i say to no one in particular (other than my own internal insecurities):
let me tell you what i'm NOT:
*i'm not the sum of the 12 inches of hair that lay on the salon floor this afternoon as I chopped off 5 inches of 1 year- old virgin hair + another 7 inches of relaxed hair=a 1/2 inch of curly/afro poof. i didn't cut to gain attention or to make a political statement. i cut to shed the very thing that i held onto for the shallowest reasons.
*i'm not the sum of the things & ppl that i've lost along the way...because in loss, i've gained perspective, clarity, open windows in exchange for closed doors, and 10-fold blessings for every 1-fold exit. i will no more force a square peg into a round hole--begging ppl to stay who want to dip out...or staying in places where the welcome mat has surely been worn thin. even in that, i will continue to love like i've never been hurt.
*i'm not the sum of the missteps i've made. i don't bare my soul on this blog or to strangers i meet along the way or when i have an encounter at church just because. i get no pleasure out of not being able to stifle my very nature, which is to be transparent and in turn, empathetic, because that requires vulnerability which sometimes can lead to deep hurt if not handled properly. no, i share because my heart bursts with something to say about bad choices--covered by grace--bound by forgiveness....and how none of us is above reproach and ultimately redemption. i share because to not share is to waste the very purpose in the pain.
*i'm not the sum of the Corporate Plantation that i pick cotton on everyday. inasmuch as i toil/fuss/fight against 'The System,' in order to provide for my family, i am YET brainstorming with my Business Partner about not how we CAN get out but how we WILL get out, and follow the dreams of our hearts that have nothing to do with 'cooking books,' overstating earnings, and Golden Parachutes for white-collar criminals.
*i'm not the sum of any 'titles' that can be bestowed upon me as just another cog on a wheel. instead, i embrace the only titles that truly matter--child of the Most High, mother of my Heart's Joy, daughter, TeeTee, Soror, sistahfriend.... i find joy in cultivating the relationships with those that are near and dear to me, and i will never apologize for my fierce loyalty and ride-or-die dedication..even when not reciprocated.
a little thing called a Big Chop put a lot of things in perspective for me...everyone had an opinion--most were VERY positive & encouraging, very few were not (even if they tried to act like they were). for a recovering People Pleaser like myself, that's a potential recipe for disaster. but, i won the battle this time around b/c i came to the realization a long time ago that it was much more than my hair.....and, regardless, it was MY decision. but, i'm human and still like a 'hi-five' every once in a while, especially on big things, so took a deep breath and kept it moving.
i AM in a good place. i AM content...most of the time i AM happy ('happiness' is a fleeting emotion), but definitely always filled with joy.....i AM blessed....i AM excited....i AM having a ball!
encouraging all of you to take a moment to focus on what you're NOT while doing some internal inventory, discarding those things, and then getting about the business of focusing on the i AMs!!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
the Chosen One
so, i'm driving home Friday night from a 'date' with my Main Squeeze a.k.a. PC. we had just enjoyed some great QT together--dinner at the Choo Choo Train Diner (where they actually bring your food to you on a miniature train!! fun, i know!!) and Sesame Street Live. she was sleeping peacefully in the backseat as i headed south on I-294, and i was listening to 'I Am'--Chrisette Michele's first album. for those that know me (or pay attention to my FB status updates), you know that she is one of my favoritefavoritefavorite artists, and though her 2nd album is slowly growing on me, i am still addicted to her first album. cruising down the highway, i was listening to 'Golden' (if you haven't heard it, please download it), and i got to thinking about agape love...unconditional love...and how my little Sleeping Beauty has taught me exactly what that means.
before i was a mother, i distinctly remember having long talks with my best friend about child-rearing. her son was little then and she was a single mom, struggling to make it through graduate school, while working full-time to keep it all together. she would often tell me how she never knew what it meant to truly love unconditionally until she met her son...and that, we think we know love when we fall in love with a dude...or b/c we love our family members or friends...but that LOVE...that love for your child...is something that is impossible to fully capture in words, but will shake up every notion and assumption that you've ever come up with in your head about what it really means to love.
you see--children love us unconditionally. they haven't been spoiled by the stresses and strife of life and all of the mountains and valleys that come with it, hardening their heart in places that should otherwise be soft. they love us even when we're unlovable--when we're yelling & scolding them for being disobedient, when we have to tell them 'no' because we know what's best for them, when we don't look or feel our best, even when we make mistakes. they don't hold grudges. a moment after they've thrown a tantrum or stomped off to their room mumbling under their breath--if you reach out to them and hug them, they won't turn you away.
these little people (and for those who have pre-teen and teen kids--bigger ppl, lol) love without conditions.
wow. what a concept.
being a parent doesn't come with instructions. sure, there's all kinds of books, videos, and seminars out there...but nothing compares to being in the trenches with YOUR child on a day-to-day basis. those of us who are parents began this journey in many different ways--some younger, some older, some planned, some unexpected, some single, some married, some after much trial and error, and some with relative ease. our paths have been wrought with many twists and turns--GREAT days...and some challenging days...
but, when we look into the eyes of that little person who shares half our DNA, we are reminded:
for such a time as THIS, I have been chosen to be steward over this person's life.
wow.
as i drove down the highway, my eyes filled with tears and i began to cry and shout to God words of thanksgiving. my journey as a mother ain't been no crystal stair, and there have been many a day or night where i've cried and prayed...and prayed and cried....and had to reach out to a friend or two to talk me down from just running away with the circus.
but, for all of those 'midnight hour' moments, i've had 10-fold opposite moments--of pure, unadulterated JOY--- at the person was sent from Heaven to change my heart...and to change my life and my very being.
i am so grateful and so blessed, and the Word is true when it says that children are indeed a REWARD from God. not sure what i did to deserve such a gift, but i intend to continue to make it my top priority to love her in the way that He has loved me.
Happy Mother's Day to all of the mommies out there...the aunties....Godmothers...and others who make a difference in the life of a child each and every day. you are indeed angels unaware.
before i was a mother, i distinctly remember having long talks with my best friend about child-rearing. her son was little then and she was a single mom, struggling to make it through graduate school, while working full-time to keep it all together. she would often tell me how she never knew what it meant to truly love unconditionally until she met her son...and that, we think we know love when we fall in love with a dude...or b/c we love our family members or friends...but that LOVE...that love for your child...is something that is impossible to fully capture in words, but will shake up every notion and assumption that you've ever come up with in your head about what it really means to love.
you see--children love us unconditionally. they haven't been spoiled by the stresses and strife of life and all of the mountains and valleys that come with it, hardening their heart in places that should otherwise be soft. they love us even when we're unlovable--when we're yelling & scolding them for being disobedient, when we have to tell them 'no' because we know what's best for them, when we don't look or feel our best, even when we make mistakes. they don't hold grudges. a moment after they've thrown a tantrum or stomped off to their room mumbling under their breath--if you reach out to them and hug them, they won't turn you away.
these little people (and for those who have pre-teen and teen kids--bigger ppl, lol) love without conditions.
wow. what a concept.
being a parent doesn't come with instructions. sure, there's all kinds of books, videos, and seminars out there...but nothing compares to being in the trenches with YOUR child on a day-to-day basis. those of us who are parents began this journey in many different ways--some younger, some older, some planned, some unexpected, some single, some married, some after much trial and error, and some with relative ease. our paths have been wrought with many twists and turns--GREAT days...and some challenging days...
but, when we look into the eyes of that little person who shares half our DNA, we are reminded:
for such a time as THIS, I have been chosen to be steward over this person's life.
wow.
as i drove down the highway, my eyes filled with tears and i began to cry and shout to God words of thanksgiving. my journey as a mother ain't been no crystal stair, and there have been many a day or night where i've cried and prayed...and prayed and cried....and had to reach out to a friend or two to talk me down from just running away with the circus.
but, for all of those 'midnight hour' moments, i've had 10-fold opposite moments--of pure, unadulterated JOY--- at the person was sent from Heaven to change my heart...and to change my life and my very being.
i am so grateful and so blessed, and the Word is true when it says that children are indeed a REWARD from God. not sure what i did to deserve such a gift, but i intend to continue to make it my top priority to love her in the way that He has loved me.
Happy Mother's Day to all of the mommies out there...the aunties....Godmothers...and others who make a difference in the life of a child each and every day. you are indeed angels unaware.
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