what a surprise!

the 3rd Saturday in June--Father's Day--is drawing to a close, and i can truly say that it has been a memorable one, unlike any that i've ever experienced below. for the last few years, i've dreaded this day. having made peace w/ the absence of my father years ago, it was just another day to me...until my own daughter came along. saddled with my own grief/guilt about her absent father, i have found it increasingly difficult to face this day for the past 3 years. this year was no different. the date was looming on the calendar for a while and when i knew that i would be back in town (i kept thinking that it was on the 13th instead of the 20th and that i would not be here), i kept negotiating with myself about whether to go to church or not. every year, our Dance Ministry does a daddy/daughter dance, usually to 'Dance w/ My Father' by Luther Vandross, and i usually break everytime. i really wasn't looking fwd to experiencing that, but had pretty much made up my mind that i needed to hear a Word from God, so, i was going to press my way and go, and face whatever was there.

i did make it thru the actual day without crying, but an incident yesterday broke my heart. PC and i were at a birthday party, and she was playing with a toy and couldn't get it to work. she handed it to one of the dads that was at the party, randomly, and a little boy ran up and yelled at her 'that's MY daddy!!" the dad was obviously embarassed and gently scolded his son, while i just grabbed the toy and herded her away. later, driving home, as i thought about it, i cried--for all of the usual reasons--and figured that i'd be in for much more.

we went to church this morning and had a wonderful time as usual, enveloped by the love and Spirit that rests in our church & with our church family. i was doing ok, no tears, no breakdowns, and then my phone started ringing (silently). the person called back- to- back 3 times--from an unfamiliar number with a Cleveland area code. at first, i thought it was my biodad. he has a tendency to call on holidays-- father's day, my birthday, his birthday-- and leave reverse-psychology, guilt-trip voicemails that i never return. in this instance, however, the person didn't leave a message. later in the service, i checked my phone to see if they had called again and discovered that i had a text message. the message said 'this is your sister. i tried calling you. please call me back.' i was confused. my sister? i don't have any siblings, to my knowledge. i figured that the person had the wrong number. i responded and said 'who?' and she gave me her name. i told her that i thought that she had the wrong number, to which she proceeded to ask me if Biodad was my father and, if so, he was her father too. at this point, i'm completely knocked off kilter. who IS this person? where did she come from? how did she get my info? how old is she? why did i never know about her? a million questions were running thru my head, questions that wouldn't be answered until i spoke to her after church.

we spoke by phone and i learned that i have a baby (7 yrs younger than me!) sister that always knew about me and wanted to meet me, but would always get the runaround from our father. Baby Sis has little-no relationship with BioDad, but runs into him from time to time. recently, she saw him and mentioned that she was moving to Chicago and he told her i was here. she asked for my number and finally, after years of asking, he provided it. Baby Sis knew very little about me (and what he told her about the nature of my relationship w/ him, etc was a lie) and has never had the privilege of meeting her paternal grandmother or aunts, all of whom i was raised around and am very close to, despite my estrangement w/ Biodad.. she has another sister who lives here in Chicago and attends Columbia College and she will be moving in with until she gets on her feet.

she is moving to Chicago this week, and we have made plans to meet. we friended each other on FB today and looking at her pictures was an out-of-body experience for me. i've been trying to wrap my mind around this whole concept all day--of having a sibling that i never knew about, what that means, what our relationship will look like, etc. it is scary, exciting, nerve-wracking, confusing, and shocking all rolled into one!

there is much more to the 'backstory'--some things that she shared and more that we will share as we get to know each other. i'm not quite sure why, on today of ALL days, that this happened--but I am waiting w/ a feeling of expectancy to see what will be on the other side of this.

for all of the pain that Father's Day usually represents to me, this was a pleasant and welcome departure.