the lesser of two evils

so tomorrow is Election Day, and, if i can be so brutally honest, i will be G-L-A-D when it's over. not because i have already begun labeling someone--in speech and in print--as President So-and-So, but moreso because i am overloaded and weary of this whole campaign and the drama that has ensued and both my mind and my heart are like: Awright Awready!

my lack of fervor about this Presidential campaign has been an open secret that i've not really purposely kept from ppl, but also not shared openly unless asked. being someone who was always politically-minded/informed, majored in Public Admin in undergrad with hopes of working in the public sector and "saving the world!" (or atleast my little slice of it), my current lack of fire about it all has shocked even me.

my emotions have run the gamut throughout this campaign cycle. as most ppl who know me well, they know i am not a 'bandwagon' person--i don't participate in fashion 'trends' and instead buy pieces that will last for many seasons to come. i don't go ga-ga over many mainstream mega-stars (with the exception of Rhi-Rhi), and instead prefer to relish those that fly beneath the overrated/undertalented radar. this Presidential campaign has been no different. when it was between B.O. and HRC right before the primaries, i wasn't an automatic supporter just because he--B.O.--was who he was and that it was expected of me because of who i am. no. i decided to forego groupthink and really take the time to research the candidates and the issues...and i still remained conflicted as i sat in the voting booth.

it didnt help that both my now-retired Pastor and my beloved church were run through the ringer by the media in the spring of this year. the reputation of the man who led our church for 36 years along with the very essence of the church itself -- how it has impacted the community and shaped the world-- were tarnished by pundits and outsiders who never took the time to even sit down in our church and worship God--instead, they brought their camera phones, notepads, and concealed mini-tape recorders, hoping for the next big soundbite to try to run us even further into the ground.

and my heart broke then--and is still not completely healed--from B.O.'s ultimate denouncement of our former Pastor, and his departure from formal, active membership at the place where he married M.O. and both of his girls were baptized...where he, in fact, met Christ and was saved.

my beef isn't just with B.O. JMcC has his own share of issues that we won't even waste text-space on, the biggest of them being S.P. his lack of real, authentic concern about the least of these in society is what troubles me the most, as he rakes in his (wife's) million$ and Americans continue to lose jobs, retirement income, homes, and healthcare (if they ever had any to begin with).

for all of McCain's issues, there are a couple of things that i agree with him on--

*i am pro-life; i am certainly not protesting outside of abortion clinics trying to vilify hurting women who are in the midst of a complex & very painful decision...but, i also believe in the sanctity of life at conception (even moreso now that i am a mother)--and the responsibility of individuals to use sex for what it was intended for--within the confines of marriage...and, if they can't/won't, to exercise due caution in the form of birth control.

*i don't support re-defining marriage as between two ppl of the same sex. call me old-fashioned/closeminded/what have you, but i just don't agree. now, does that mean that i am standing on the corner with signs calling ppl the F word and telling them they are going to Hell? no. i don't believe in guilting ppl into anything, and scare tactics in the name of evangelism fail miserably every time--anotha blog for anotha day.

now, that's where my similarities with McC begin and end...but, it's not enough for me to feel 100% comfy voting for him, because those are 2 issues in a sea of 10,000 issues that affect me, those that i love, and those i have never met.

so, i stand here, less than 12 hrs before the polls in IL open, conflicted. conflicted about voting my conscience on sooo many levels that stretch wayyyyyy beyond gay rights, abortion, or TUCC. conflicted about the bombardment of B.O. assumptive-support propaganda that i have received throughout this entire campaign--i dunno if it was b/c i am Af-Am and folks just assumed i was involved in his campaign or what...but it came from somewhere because i have never announced my support for one candidate or another.

i stand conflicted because we are at a crossroads in history where, someone who looks like US could actually be the leader of the free world....but will NOT be the Savior of the World, as many (black) ppl have subconciously framed him.

i stand here having listened to a radio show where ppl were asked on the street why they were voting for B.O over McC; with the interviewer inserting McC talking points in his questioning, proving that these individuals, as they nodded and gave resounding "yes, that's why i'm voting for him!" had never once taken the time to really research the issues.

groupthink.

i stand here not saying that B.O. or McC are "evil" in the literal sense of the word, but that the choice for me is going to have to be give-and-take, covering my eyes/ears to certain things that i don't necessarily agree with on either side, in order to vote for the Greater Good...whatever that is.

i close today's blog feeling like a Political Blaspheme in the eyes of some, but not ashamed of my analytical nature and refusal to subscribe to the status quo, even with the words of Angela Davis and the ghosts of the Black Panthers haunting my thoughts and propelling me forward to be as quietly militant as i can be (power to the ppl, lol!)...

and to ROCK the vote....because the blood of my ancestors ran in the streets so that i could have that privilege.

may the best...or better...man win.