of BO, MO, and a mustard seed

much has been written, pontificated, hypothesized, and analyzed regarding the seemingly amazing marriage of Barack & Michelle Obama. throughout the campaign season, we got to know bits and pieces about this couple--quirky idiosyncracies about BO leaving his dirty socks on the kitchen floor...or how MO wasn't EVEN trying to hear him when he asked her out so many years ago. we've watched interview after interview, read story after story, and observed it for ourselves in pictures thr love that exists between these two ppl. sociologists and media critics have waxed poetic about how this is the first positive example of a Black American marriage that we've seen since the Huxtables (another topic for another blog).....that we as Af-Ams ought be proud to see this displayed for the whole world, proving that not every Black woman is somebody's babymama, and that there really are Black men who marry the women they love and stay with them after the birth of children (which WE knew all along...but apparently, others didn't).

in the last 7 days, i've been blessed to read two amazing portraits of BO and MO that form the basis of this blog. the first was an article that someone resurrected from 1996....a profile in the NY Times of couples in various cities across the country. one young couple that was featured was BO & MO. newlyweds, they were still childless, falling in love, and getting to know one another, and the article took a look at their different perspectives of love & marriage and how they came to be One. the 2nd article was an intimate portrait of MO in this month's Chicago magazine. we all know the basic story of her upbringing, academic & professional career, and how she came to be the First Lady. but, many do not know about some of the dark periods that she and BO had in their marriage when it became clear that he had political aspirations that she didn't initially support....and how their relationship persevered into what it is today.

last year, i was a member of an email listserv. called the "Thought For Today," its premise was based upon young professionals connecting electronically to discuss & debate pressing issues of the day--political, social, and relational. like any healthy exchange of ideas, it oftentimes got heated, but it became a good outlet for educated, seemingly likeminded ppl, to chat. unfortunately, the demographics of the listserv ultimately contributed to its demise.

you see, the group was made up of young professionals--aged 25-32. college educated, some with advanced degrees, many were single or in serious relationships--none married. out of 30 or so odd members, 2 of us were parents and both were single moms, never married. sometimes the topics were centered around dating and relating and it was INEVITABLE that the thread would get to the point where the guys (and even most of the women, besides the two moms) were going on and on about not ever wanting to date someone with a child.....and the guys went so far as to say that they wouldn't date a woman that had grown up in a single parent household, as she would 1. be too independent to know how to 'submit' to her mate and 2. she would have no idea how to conduct herself in a healthy relationship because she had never seen one growing up.

which brings me to the article from the NY Times. in part BO says: All my life, I have been stitching together a family, through stories or memories or friends or ideas. Michelle has had a very different background—very stable, two-parent family, mother at home, brother and dog, living in the same house all their lives. We represent two strands of family life in this country—the strand that is very stable and solid, and then the strand that is breaking out of the constraints of traditional families, travelling, separated, mobile. I think there was that strand in me of imagining what it would be like to have a stable, solid, secure family life.

so, BO...child of a single mother...raised in somewhat of a nomadic lifestyle between his mother & stepfather and grandparents...society would say that the odds weren't that great....yet went on to become an awesome husband/father (even sat on the board of the Fatherhood Initiative)....

all because MO had faith...the size of a mustard seed....in him and what she saw of him early on.

MO....stressed at home caring for 2 young babies while BO traveled the state of IL (and ultimately the country) chasing his dream of political office...many times being ready to throw in the towel and be done with him altogether...but yet, BO had faith...the size of a mustard seed...that his vision would come to pass....and MO had faith...the size of a mustard seed....that they would make it through the rough patches.

i am watching many ppl around me at relationship crossroads--marriages rocked by infidelity, gfs being fed up with bfs that aren't living up to their God-given potential, engaged couples that are having second thoughts....and it makes me ask the rhetorical question--when does one say 'i've had enough?" and, when you do get to that point...how do you know it's the right choice?

how do you know that you're not letting that mustard seed blow away in the wind, when you should be planting it?

even for me, as a single person who struggles with hanging onto her OWN mustard seed of faith to one day be in a healthy, happy marriage--how do i hold onto that faith when everything that i see in the natural tells me otherwise?

the answer certainly lies in the hearts of those involved..but i wonder if all of us could take a lesson from MO, BO.....

and a mustard seed.