a LOVE revolution

i was talking with a friend today about reciprocity in relationships. she was asking how i felt about the notion of ppl always attracting the same kind of people in friendships/relationships (good & bad); that is, it being an indication of some issue that the person has that is somehow acting as a beacon of light, sending signals to Friend/Boo to come their way. i've written about this topic in the past ( pls see: fatal attraction), but after listening to her struggles, combined with a profound statement that my Pastor made during his sermon, i wanna add a different twist to it.

my friend's issue had to do with her feeling unreciprocated in her friendships/relationships. she feels as though she pours herself into these situations, yet continuously comes up short, attracting ppl that don't give a fraction of what she gives to their relationship, and ending up feeling empty and, in some ways, used. i listened intently as she told me about this because i can 100% relate. as a self-proclaimed Helper Elf and sacrificial friend, i try my darndest to go above and beyond for those that i love. tho just like most ppl i have a best friend , and others that may be closer to me (and know more of my deep, dark secrets, lol) than a casual acquaintance, i truly try to make sure that all whom i call friend (or boyfriend, where applicable) are treated equally--which, in my case, is like family. i try to go out of my way to do whatever i can, tangible & intangible, to be there for them, and to show that i care. now, i don't say all of this to try and toot my own horn, as i am merely repeating words that others have said to and about me regarding how i've treated them. but, to make my point and the point that my friend made to me:

sometimes, it's just not reciprocated.

it just isn't. and, that's not meant as a knock, but it's just the reality of life, and that many times what we do will not be returned in the way that we think it should be--if at all. but, we are called to do...to serve...to love...anyway.

Pastor made a statement in his message today which i will paraphrase here. in part, he said, '...it is both a radical and a revolutionary struggle to capture the elusive act of living a life of [unconditional/agape] love...'

unconditional. love without conditions. doing unto & for others without expectation that they will do anything back. resisting the urge to get upset/angry/hurt when they don't. looking inward at yourself and upward to God for validation of who you are, instead of waitin'/wishin'/hopin' for someone else to tell you/show you.

now, this isn't to say that we should maintain close relationships with ppl who are obviously using us or taking us for granted--i think we're all smarter than that. but, what it is saying is that, if you're going to do something for someone--BE YOU & DO IT. don't worry about a perceived reward that you might get from them by them trying to 'out-do" you on the next go 'round, cause guess what? they might not. so before you get mad about it, just manage your expectations--ppl show you who they are very early.

i was in the store yesterday and misplaced my car keys. frantically, i was looking all around the store, retracing my steps, while PC roamed aimlessly behind saying, 'what happened to it, Mommy?' as i prepared for the worst, i ran down my mental list of Ride-or-Die Homies that i knew i could call to come and scoop us up. the list was short, but length was unimportant as i knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that these individuals would've dropped whatever to come rescue PC and her frazzled Mama.

and i would've done the same.

loving without conditions is not something that comes easily, and, even after writing this blog and having been on a HS-mandated 'love, anyway' campaign since August of last year, i still struggle. but, as i continue to rest and abide in the person that i am, and my natural tendencies towards a soft heart, He continues to send little confirmations my way that i'm on the right track (ie the story above). and, in that, i no longer seek tangible validation from ppl, because i know that He is pleased.