baggage claim

i love New Year's Eve. not just because of the confetti, fireworks, bubbly drinks, or revelry. not just because of Watch Night service at church, which serves as an inspiration to reflect on what God has done, and to look forward into the New Year. no. I love NYE most of all, because it forces me--an emotional packrat--to let go.

most of the time, i can admit, i walk around with a burdened heart. i take on the painful emotional burdens of ppl that i love (even without their knowledge), i carry around the burden of guilt/missed opportunity--things that i should've said/done, or even those things that i should not have said/done. i carry around the weight of my own hurt & scars, memories that aren't so easy to shake, and just when you think you've conquered them--something or someone comes along and acts as a reminder.

that's a lot for one person to carry on their back, right? yet, i do....and most of the time, i do a pretty good job of the balancing act, but every now and then, things get a little bit too heavy, and i reach my breaking point. but, being broken isn't always a bad thing. i look at it as a wake-up call--a second (or third, or fourth, or tenth) chance to get it right. it's like when you get sick and are confined to bed for a week with a really bad cold or the flu: oftentimes, it is our body's way of telling us that we're doing too much and we need to take a break. and, if we won't voluntarily take that break--we'll be forced to.

as i watch this year come to a close, i am able to look back with pride and with gratitude. in 2008, i've had some joy and i've had some pain. i've had some sunshine, and i've had some rain. i've learned some tough lessons, i've experienced loss, and i've experienced the 10-fold blessings that can come after loss. i've made new friends, and started a new job. i've been a mother for another year. i've watched family members and other loved ones go through major transitions, and supported them as best i could through those seasons. i've learned a lot about myself and made changes to myself--spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. i've taken chances, fallen on my face after a couple, but triumphed even more. in the midst of it all..

it was a very good year.

and though we know spiritually that God does not measure time in the way that we do--to Him one year is like 1 minute--this moving over from 2008 to 2009 offers us a fresh start. though ANY day is a great day to make a change, we know that much inspiration comes at the stroke of midnight on January 1st. if we are so blessed to make it to that date/time, we have yet another opportunity to get it right and live & love without boundaries.

so, as i finish this evening--quiet, at home, with PC sleeping soundly and some time to myself...i can thank God for how far He has brought me. there have been plenty of times when i have cried out to Him, wondering where He was and why He wasn't hearing me...and my faith here lately has been stretched to a place of borderline unbelief that i shudder even thinking about.

yet, i believe.

i believe that the best is yet to come...that my latter will be better than my former. that He has great things for me to do in this life, and that i have many more lives to touch and many more assignments to fulfill.

that in the new year, i will laugh more, love deeper, work harder, and live better.

that my experiences will continue to refine & shape the woman that i am to become.

and that all of the baggage of 2008 will be left...unclaimed...on the Carousel of No Return.

i will look forward with faith, forgetting those former things.

i will be grateful.

He has certainly done enough.

Happy New Year...