soooo FUNKdafied

i struggled with posting this blog today....had been un-inspired for most of the week-busy with work, exhausted in general, and in many ways, feeling--as a friend calls it--blue.

for those that know me (or have vicariously gotten to know me via this blog), you know that i've been an interesting season of my life since May of last year. as this blog has chronicled, i've experienced tremendous joy and some pain that i'd rather forget. i've lost and i've gained. i've moved on and i've stayed stagnant. it has been a delicate dance of up & down as i've tried to find my way.

as i've struggled to put into words (both verbal & written) how i feel, i often feel like i come up short. i try to explain to those closest to me 'what's really good' with me, but it never quite seems to come out right. i try to quantify it for myself, but the pieces never quite seem to fit. i try to write, read, analyze, and draw conclusions, but the only one i ever come to is...

lately, it just seems like i just can't get right!

and then when i attempt to define what 'getting right' is...i draw a blank.

so, here i am in this Funk....

the unfortunate thing about this Funk is that it has started to adversely affect some of my interpersonal relationships, because it is compelling me to go into a self-imposed isolation (the ANTITHESIS of my personality). and, though i know ppl care and want to be there for me, it has been hard for me to allow them to care because...well.......i haven't been feeling very 'care-able.'

i think we all go through our ebbs and flows of happiness/unhappiness. as we know 'happiness' is just an emotion and will change, while joy runs deep and should be there even when things are not all the way that you'd like for them to be. unfortunately, there are times when both joy AND happiness appear just out of our reach, and we are like hamsters running on a wheel, trying to chase something that we never seem to be able to catch...or if we do, it slips right through our fingers.

we fool ourselves into thinking that we can go through this Funks, 'snap out of them' and be okay..but the truth is, the remedy is only temporary...and even if it takes years for them to come back, if the root is never destroyed, the seed will eventually get more water.

and this Funk....well, it kinda stinks.

hopeful for the sweet fragrance of peace, contentment, reconciliation, and BREAKTHROUGH soon!