clean house

so, i'm a reality show junkie and have just recently started watching that show 'Hoarders.' for those of you who don't know, 'Hoarders is a show that chronicles people with various stages of mental illness that hold onto (to the nth degree) stuff--their houses are overflowing with this, that, and the third to the point where they can barely walk around, ppl cannot come over to visit, etc. mental health professionals/professional organizers/clean-up crews come to these ppl's homes to assess the situation and to assist them with cleaning up the house and with getting help for whatever the issues are that are causing them to hoard in the first place.

to be honest, the show has been on for a while, but i initially didn't want to watch it. i was ashamed that i actually might be a hoarder and i couldn't stand to watch my 'issue' staring me in the face on reality TV! turns out i am nowhere NEAR the level of severity that these individuals are (even though i could stand to let the nostalgia go and purge a bunch of stuff, lol), but watching the show in relation to all that has changed in my own life in the last 7 days has not-so-gently reminded me that it's time to clean house!

it is often said that in every stage/season that you move into in your life, every person that's been with you in the past won't be able to go with you into the future. as cliche as that sounds, as i've reflected over the last week about launching into the deep unknown of 'Life after Corporate America,' i've been reminded, ever-so-harshly, that the road ahead will look very different than the one behind.

And...

the Cast of Characters will be decidedly different.

just like my career path for the last 7 years, i've kept some folks/ideas/thought patterns/behaviors around me out of comfort, while neglecting others who were solid standbys:

• great money/travel/perks trumped academic pursuits/ministry goals/true intellectual stimulation.
• abusive, mean-spirited 'frienemies' trumped loyal, honest, lovingly reciprocal friendships.
• insecurity and negative self-talk trumped knowing who i am/loving who i am, and NEVER having to defend that to anyone who truly knows who i am.

And the buck, my Beloved, stops here.

i refuse to walk boldly into this next season of my life, expecting GREAT things from the Father while conducting myself as if i am somehow below what He has promised for me. i cannot authentically say that i trust Him to provide for me go back to school full-time and be able to focus on that calling, while not trusting Him to give me back everything that I've lost along the way.

I cannot authentically share my story with all of you on a weekly basis and encourage all of you, if I am not authentically encouraging myself!

Matthew 7:6, 'For Colored Girls..' and spiritually-sound sista/warriorfriends have inspired this blog today. i hope that you'll remain in prayer for me, as i will for each of you, as i chronicle this next chapter in His Daughter's life:

'I've got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me. I bring them to the light for you, it's only right. This is the soundtrack of my life.' ~Kid Cudi