forward...together, forward

it's been a minute since the last time i posted, and truth-be-told, my inspiration had been waning. i often wondered if the 'season' for my blog was over since i couldn't really think of much to write about anymore.....a friend of mine sent me a message the other week asking when i was gonna post again. i jokingly told her that "as soon as i could squeeze some literary blood out of the inspiration turnip" i'd be on it. here we are, just about 2 weeks later--and life has thrown some pretty decent inspiration my way. so, here goes.

as the old saying goes 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' one of my good girlfriends is always repeating that saying to herself, to me, to others and has been intentional about living her life in that way. when she picked me up from my house yesterday to take me to run some errands, she handed me a greeting card and canister of CountryTime. You see, life had handed me some lemons just a couple of hours before that. and, as i had watched & admired her doing over time, it was now MY turn to make my own batch of lemonade.

yesterday morning, i lost my job. in losing my job, i lost a sense of 'security'--financially, medically (insurance-wise) and emotionally. i became one of the 10%+ of Americans who are currently out of work, for one reason or another. this turn of events didn't completely catch me off guard. things had been awry in one way or another at the gig for a while. when i was told a week ago to clear my schedule b/c my manager was flying into town to meet with me, i began to mentally & spiritually prepare myself for the worst-case scenario. and, at 10:30am yesterday, the worst-case scenario came true.

no amount of 'preparation' dilutes your natural human response to the death of something--whether it be natural death of a loved one (sudden or slow), death of a relationship, or death of a job--when the other shoe finally drops, it still shakes you up. i've spoken with some of my close friends about my fascination with the grieving process--how it works, how it doesn't work, the highs, the lows. and, with every 'death,' one must grieve what was and what can never be again while moving forward to what IS.

everyone's first two questions to me yesterday were: 1. Are you ok? (yes) and 2. What will you do next? (I don't know).

and I am enjoying being in a state of 'I don't know."

b/c you see, as i go thru the steps of figuring out the obvious--unemployment benefits, securing medical insurance for my child, adjusting my routine now that i am on the El vs. driving the free company car.....I am also given a moment to just think. to truly consider what i will do next, which may not be going back to the Rat Race as i've always known it.

as i packed up my office yesterday--unplugged my laptop & docking station, unhooked my ginormous printer/fax/copier, i felt a sense of relief. not in the sense of a huge burden being lifted, b/c there were aspects that i really enjoyed about my job...but just the burden of being able to finally answer the calling that has been nudging at me for so long--to find that vocation that makes my heart sing and to go after it, even if it means leaving behind all of the 'comforts" that i've grown accustomed to.

i must admit, i cried a few tears yesterday after all was said and done, but my JOY came back this morning. my daughter is healthy and well-adjusted, we have a place to live and food in our stomachs. the belt may have to be tightened for a while and some things that we used to do we won't be able to, but it will be an adventure. we are surrounded by loving friends and family and more importantly, a loving Father who hasn't failed us yet.

and i trust that at end of this current season, He will show me exactly where I need to be and what i need to be doing and that everything will work out for my good (as it always has before).

cheers to fresh-squeezed lemonade...and moving forward!