i have a confession to make: today, i was ungrateful. for the past 2 weeks, i've been knee-deep in training for my new job. long days, short nites (trouble falling asleep before 12midnight most days), airport delays, and information overload. though i'm learning a lot, and my fellow employees have been very warm and welcoming, a sista is TIRED....ready to get back to my baby, and get back to the Chi, start setting up my office, and get this show on the road.
this new job comes with a lot of perks--home office, laptop, expense account and (drumroll please): a company car! ever since i told my fam and friends that i was getting a car, the first question has been: what kind of car is it? in annoyance, i've snapped back at many of you, saying, "i don't know, i don't care--it's free!" and, i really didn't know and didn't care...until today.
said Company Car is a 2006 Chrysler Sebring. i spotted my new whip for the first time from the 3rd floor of Home Office, sitting in the visitor's parking lot waiting for me. my first thought when i saw it was "not so sure about that color" (it's a very, very light green)....and, i discovered that it wasn't the 2008 that i assumed i would be getting, judging by what the other field employees in my office are driving. when i was released from Purgatory around 4:40pm, i entered my new car with trepidation, pulled out of the parking lot, and began to navigate my way through the mean streets of Small Town Upstate NY, all the while thinking to myself: "this wasn't what i was expecting."
and then i got checked....by the Holy Spirit, of course.
i thought back to a convo that i had with TOTGA (The One That Got Away) yesterday when i returned from Albany. we were talking about blessings, and how both of us had been gifted with so much, tangible and intangible, that we had done nothing--absolutely nothing--to deserve. i told him how i was in tears one night during my first week of training, sitting in my cushy hotel room, eating my all-expense paid dinner, watching a news story profiling another member of this sorority call Motherhood. this fellow mama (and former member of the so-called middle class) cried in embarassment and shame as she walked to the local Catholic parish to ask for assistance in feeding her family. her story stopped me in my tracks and i just had to thank God..over and over...because it could have...and could be...me. and, i'll never know why it wasn't.
i'm not perfect (join the club!) and still have my moments of uber-perfectionism, spoiledness, and wanting things my way. but the GREAT thing is--i KNOW i am living victoriously because as soon as those things start to creep up in my spirit, i recognize and cast them down to where they belong...and i can remind myself of what really matters.
so today, i'm grateful for 2.5 year old light-light green Sebring--which, if i can sell the AKAmobile, means no more car note for me! and i'm grateful for the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit, ever reminding me to count my blessings.
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3 comments:
I'm still mad you call him TOTGA (s/b TOTLMGA) but whatevs. I like that you took some time to reflect on your blessings. We live in a world of luxuries - small and large. We get so used to living our way that sometimes we don't realize how much we really do have, while others go without. It's good to have some humility, to recognize and appreciate that what you have isn't promised and that you're blessed to be where you are.
I think we have been "conditioned" in America to always want more. We are a nation of high obesity and bad credit. We spend when we don't have just to get more. Americans throw away more food than other countries intake! Look at slavery, “massah” had plenty of cotton but he had to have more, so they brought more and more slaves over. Ok, I’m off that soapbox!
Personally, I’m very guilty of what you are speaking upon. I probably would have talked about quitting after seeing that Sebring. It’s good that you recognized your blessings and were thankful. I think we need to realize how good we have it sometimes and thank God for every blessing.
What a neat idea KW! My refleciton this morning dealt with this very subject. A while ago I kept wondering why the children of Israel never got to the Promised Land; well, lo and behold, they did! But it never seemed like it...they were busy trying to ask for kings like the other nations, complaining, or just looking for stuff they had no business worrying about. I, too, am like our biblical ancestors...I have dreamed of stuff and then when I get it, it's almost as if I forget I desired it...I'm back to complaining or thinking about what more I want. Today, I desire to be grateful and thankful and acknowledge that the Promise Land is living in the Spirit...listening for God, communing with God, and realizing that I am forgiven even when I forget that I'm living the Promise.
Have a good one,
KWP
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