same ol' Beans

i should be in bed right now. well, i AM in bed right now, but i should be sleeping. i just completed a 12 hour drive from Utica, NY to the VOP (Village of Oak Park) with a brief 20 minute stop in Cleveland to pick up my Precious Cargo. so, most normal people would be in bed by now, but since when was i normal anyway?


i needed to write because, you see, it is therapeutic for me....even through heavy-lidded and tired eyes.


now that i've set the scene, let me get to the point.


in honor of my long drive today, i spent the better part of last Saturday night selecting from a friend's 6600+ iTunes music library to burn some travelin' music. i absolutely HEART 80s and 90s r & b/New Jack Swing, so i made sure to include plenty of that. as i was cruising along today, an oldie-but-goodie came on which serves as the inspiration for today's blog: "Same Ol G" by 90s r & b sensation Ginuwine.


let me explain: as i was listening to Ginuwine talk about how "having his own CD and being on TV" didn't change who he was, i thought about it in relationship to myself.


i'm the same ol' Beans...."Beans" is my childhood family nickname, short for String Beans, due to my extremely thin frame growing up. said thin frame left 5 years and 50 lbs ago, but you get my drift. (ok, stop laughing now)


i've been thinking about this issue of identity, especially with respects to womanhood. 2 years ago, for many people i ceased to be KW, and instead became titled "Sophia's Mama." now, don't get me wrong--i am Sophia's mama and am very proud of it....but i'm also still the same ol' Beans....and sometimes i just want to rest in that.

this summer, i have had an unusual amount of time to myself due to vacation and work transition. my Precious Cargo has been in the care of her grandparents for the last 6 weeks, and i've been by myself, up and down the East Coast and back and forth across the Midwest. while on vacation in July, i went out to a party with a group of friends. one of the friends was newer to my circle and seemed shocked that i knew how to party. "who knew KW liked to kick it?" she said in amazement while we were dancing. now, truth be told, KW's kicking it days are few and far between, due to parenting obligations, shift in priorities, and just an overall disinterest in the club scene. but eeeeevery now and again...for a special occasion, i'll go out and let my hair down. the old friends in my life who knew me when....pre-Sophia, pre-slowing down, pre-saved...aren't surprised that i still have it in me--in moderation and good taste, of course.


we get so compartmentalized in titles--mother, wife, employee, Soror or Frater, etc. that sometimes we forget the essence of who we are, beyond those boxes. those boxes are wonderful and are each a blessing in their own unique way, but sometimes it's nice to reflect on who YOU are, autonomous of what everyone ELSE calls you.


so, today, i'm the Same Ol' Beans....Same Ol' Me....


goodnite.