get your mind right

i got an excited message this morning from a friend, telling me that she had finally found a therapist and would be entering counseling at the beginning of next month. i was elated for her as she has been struggling thru and dealing with a lot over this past year, and i am assured that this step is going to be a MAJOR breakthru in her healing and deliverance.

mental health-or the lack thereof-has always been a taboo topic in our community. when you look at the percentages of undiagnosed clinically depressed Af-Am women, this silly taboo seems more like a horrible self-fulfilling prophecy. and it's not just the women--the men are struggling too. i have encountered MANY men who are on the verge of breakdowns simply because they've been taught how NOT to deal with their emotions. wonder why there is so much crime, materialism, and violence amongst our Black boys? not because our boys are more prone to act a fool--many times, it's because they're hurting and hurting people hurt ppl.

i'm a huge proponent of counseling. i was in short-term pastoral counseling at my church last year, muddling thru layers of things within me that i had tried to ignore, refute, or push to the back of my mind for eons--i hope to be back in my sessions soon. i was in counseling because of the encouragement of another friend who had gone and was seeing major changes in her life. i tell anyone and everyone that i can--go to counseling! not just obligatory pre-marital counseling so that you can get married in your local church. not just couples counseling after the honeymoon has worn off and the boxing gloves (and divorce papers) are looming on the horizon. i'm talking about individual, one-on-one therapy--to sort thru and deal with the muckedy-muck that has dried and hardened over your heart and your psyche, and made it impossible to completely move on from who-....or what-ever.

counseling helped me to acknowledge, accept, confront (and ultimately be delivered from!) the Father Fracture in my life, and also to see how it had trickled down into the choices i made in men, and my interactions with my own child. i also discovered my deep need for affirmation/validation from others--and my struggle with rejection issues--and learned how to deal with those head-on by affirming who i was in GOD. counseling helped me recognize my own fear of success (strange, huh?), which eclipsed any fear of failure that i had ever had.

when i was pregnant, i spent the first 4 months in a deeply depressed state. it was one of, if not the lowest place emotionally i've ever been, for a multitude of different reasons and my faith was stretched beyond measure. one day, i woke up and i said "i choose joy." i decided that despite the fiery darts that were coming my way from both loved ones and enemies, i was going to have joy. and i did. it wasn't always easy and it wasn't always fun--but i made a choice that day, and it saved my life and resulted in an amazing journey that i wouldn't change for anything in the world.


i've learned that everyone you come across is fighting some kind of battle. no matter how good they look, how wide their smile is, or how happy they seem, don't assume--all of that "fondant" may really be hiding some deep, troubling places within them. now, don't get me wrong--there are many people in this world who have a genuinely happy spirit and don't let most things get to them--atleast not on the surface, however i would argue that no one is happy ALL the time. Happiness is a temporary feeling based upon external circumstances. what we should strive for is JOY--a sense of peace, contentment, and delight even in the midst of pain, sorrow, or disappointment.

beloved, whatever it is that you might be muddling thru, no matter how small you think it might be, reach out to someone about it. God has gifted special ppl in this world with the amazing gift of counseling, and it is yours for the taking.

for God's sake, get your mind right.....