the icing on the cake

a few weeks ago, i was having a gabfest with my bff and she shared with me this brilliant concept that she had come up with called the Fondant Syndrome. she likened the identities that some ppl come up with and portray to the world as fondant; that is, the fancy-schmancy icing/sugared flowers/etc that we see on faboo wedding cakes.

if you've ever watched one of those wedding-planning shows, or tuned into a baking competition on TLC's Ace of Cakes (or if you're some sort of amateur pastry chef in your spare time), i'm sure you've seen how a wedding cake is made. it starts as layers of regular old sponge cake--plain-Jane in appearance--which are cut, shaped, and manipulated to size. the "pretty part" of the cake, the fondant, comes much later, and takes the longest to perfect. that finished product with the perfect colors, decorations, dips/loops/swirls is what causes the "oohs and ahhs" of the guests at the event, but it's the (hopefully) light, moist cake on the inside that pleases the palette and fills the belly at the end of that $50/per plate reception hall meal.

i had a revelation a while back that i've been in a number of friendships/relationships where the person loved me (and even that is subject to interpretation), but didn't LIKE me. sounds like a simple concept, right? it is, but it's also profound at the same time. a person having a deep affection for you, whether it be romantic, platonically (as in friends), or some combination of the two....but never really LIKING you. can you love someone and not like them? absolutely! you can care deeply for a person, want nothing but the best for them, but they can still be someone who you can't stand to be around for longer than 5 mins and who annoys the heck out of you just by breathing the same air you breathe....ok, maybe i'm being a little extreme, but you get my point.

i don't blame those "no-likes" entirely on the other party. being the people-pleaser that i have the capacity to be (if i don't keep it in check), i know that in my past, though i was very open/transparent from the beginning, i also applied a lot of fondant. i didn't necessarily lie about myself, but i covered the plain-Jane, cut/manipulated/shaped parts of me with a certain exterior--fondant--in order that the person might "ooh and ahhh" enough to want to get the knife and cut themselves a slice. unfortunately, what i should've been doing was giving them a taste of the batter before it was even baked, put together, frosted, and placed on display, in order that they might know the foundational process that it took to get there.

i've decided that i just want to authentically be ME, and whoever likes it/me--great! and if they don't-great! because, you see, I like me! and, most importantly, GOD likes me! and, again, though that sounds like a simple concept, it really isn't. being authentically you opens yourself up to both positive and negatives. you are vulnerable, which can be a great thing with respects to matters of the heart/love, but can also cause a lot of pain if you're vulnerable to the wrong thing/person. being authentically you causes you to face the wonderful things about yourself, and also those things within you that are due for a makeover. being authentically you allows for and attracts authentic relationships....sure, there may be some imposters that slip through the cracks, but in general, i believe that if you are truly living and presenting yourself for who you are--without the fondant--the Universe will propel likeminded folks your way.

when a couple decides to get married, part of their wedding planning involves visiting bakeries for cake-tastings. the baker will show them a catalog bearing examples of beautifully scrumptious cakes that they can choose from, in line with their preferences. the most important part of the cake-tasting is the actual tasting. and, the pieces that the baker presents are not elaborate 3 and 4 tier masterpieces. no. they are thin sample slices, with just a whisper of frosting to give you a preview of what to expect at the event. sure, the exterior of the cake will be gorgeous and will be an aesthetic focal point of the reception, however, it's that whisper-thin slice that will really seal the deal and make the guest's stomachs happy. the couple may taste many different cakes, and most of them will be absolutely delicious, but they can only walk away with one choice--the perfect choice for them.

in the cake-tastings of life you'll find that everyone is not meant to have centerstage at your event. some folks are pretty fondant, but dry and flavorless underneath. others may not have the greatest decorative outside, but are pretty tasty on the inside. and still others are just normal, Duncan Hines cakes like Grandma used to make that would rival ANY commercial bakery or Food Network chef that you could pit them against. they are warm, comforting, filling, and familiar. they are authentic.

focus on the cake itself, and not on the frosting. i am certain that you'll discover that what is on the inside--the foundation--trumps the icing on the cake, hands down.



bon appetit!