sticks and stones

ok, i'll admit it. i'm a text message/email addict. i am joined at the hip, literally and figuratively, to my Blackberry, and have panic attacks when it is malfunctioning, or i drop it, or i can't find it. said BB sleeps in the bed with me at nite, and my periodic struggles with sleep apnea cause me to wake up multiple times during the night...and...check my phone for new messages (i know, i know...what a shame).

i love words! i love reading, i love writing, i love talking (surprise, surprise). and because i am such a lover of words, both written and verbal, i know firsthand the incredible power that words have to encourage, and also to wound.

i was texting with a friend today and she misinterpreted something that i said in text to her as being, as she called it, "snarky." now, after i figured out WTH 'snarky' meant, i very quickly cleared the air and explained to her the intention and tone behind what i had said, which was meant to be anything BUT flippant or rude. she laughed and we moved on, but her comment really stuck with me. she said "texts have attitude."

i thought about how being a wordsmith can be both a blessing and a curse. wordsmithing is a blessing for me because it allows me to express myself more succinctly and precisely, atleast in written format. difficult/emotional messages ae often a challenge for me to communicate verbally, but i have almost no problem getting them down on paper. i am more comfortable there, and my thoughts are strung together in a way that makes sense.

with all of the blessing that words can bring, they can also bring forth a lot of pain. if i can be transparent for the moment, i have had 2 close friendships end via the written word (one of which was reconciled--yay!). in both situations, myself and the other party were amazingly talented writers--and more comfortable in that format. admittedly, with a simple keystroke, we could break down barriers OR inflict wounds that might not ever heal. simple misunderstandings or differences of opinions snowballed into electronic fisticuffs, not because the original intent was ever malicious, but simply because neither party executed 2 very important things: 1. seeking first to understand, then be understood and 2. having face-to-face convos about challenging topics. i believe that if those two items had been cared for, there might've been a different outcome.

i continue to be haunted by words that i've said out of anger or frustration that have (unintentionally) inflicted pain...and i am haunted by those things that have been said to me that have left deep scars. i learned a long time ago that i have the capacity for a fiery tongue and, with that, i've also learned my triggers, so i do my best to swallow a lot of things that aren't worth entering the atmosphere. on those ocassions where i've failed, i've apologized, but one never kn0ws if an apology is enough. it hasn't always been enough for me.

we must be mindful of the things we say and speak into the lives of those around us. actions do hurt, but i believe that words hurt a LOT more....and hurt longer. i believe we must challenge ourselves to always speak loving and positive things to those around us, and to check ourselves when we feel like we're slipping into the realm of No-Return Negativity. i believe that we should take time to really learn what it means to "speak the truth in love" by considering our audience, and not just our selfish desire to have our opinions known. i believe that we should refuse to entertain anything less than a phone call when working through a difficult issue with a friend or loved one.

and i think we should rewrite the childhood rhyme:

sticks and stones may break my bones...but words, they really CAN hurt me.