....sometimes i struggle with this whole contentment thing. Paul says to us in Phillipians that he has learned to be content, both in plenty and in want. i've meditated and stood on those verses for some time now, especially when i learned and embraced the difference between contentment and complacency. this morning, the topic of contentment crossed my mind and i thought to blog about it once i made it to my PC this evening. i was all ready to pontificate about how i had this contentment thing mastered...how i had conquered impatience and envy and restlessness and "when, God, when?!" and...... then i got an email that caused me to get real with myself..and i realized that i still have some work to do.
one of my chapter Sorors is engaged to a great guy. she sent out the link to their wedding website today and i took a look. i beamed from ear to ear, as i read their love story, and admired the gorgeous photos. she is a wonderful person, and i am so very happy for the two of them.
as i was browsing the site, i had a twinge of the"when, God, when?" Syndrome. for so long, i've been content...no...cool on...dating/love/all that mushy stuff. i've been content with that aspect of my life being pretty quiet, and in fact have welcomed the inactivity. for those that know me well, they know that is a COMPLETE departure from my norm. i am a very relational person, hopeless romantic, and historically have always been on the lookout for that next great love affair...until now.
my reasons for indifference vary, and if i can be honest with you and with myself, i'm sure that some of them are rooted in disappointment at the outcome of my past situations, as well as an overall fatigue with the whole process.
so, i was shocked to feel that twinge today while looking at the wedding website. as i was racking my brain with my top 10 list of reasons why i have a right to be questioning God's timing, i realized that perhaps i'm not as "content" as i think i am.
contentment to me means an overall peace in knowing that you're exactly where you're supposed to be, even if you don't quite understand (or appreciate) why you're there. i wondered if i was really content--at peace--or if i had masked that with indifference in order to take away some of the sting. i wondered if instead of owning my heart's desires, and trying to align them with God's perfect will & timing for my life, i had actually allowed my own impatience to fester into crossed arms/pouted lips, and a foot-stomping tantrum when my Father didn't give me what i THOUGHT was best for me.
whoever said patience was a virtue ain't neva lied.....
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3 comments:
Well, I'm in a relationship. So no comment ;-)
Cousin,
I definitely feel your pain on being content where we are and for what we have. It doesn’t matter if it’s about a relationship, job, ministry, etc. I have been going through this as well with me getting out of the military and not knowing exactly what to do. I believe we all, at some point in our lives, go through not being content in our situations (especially when our timing doesn’t line up with God’s). Our lack of contentment can come from a number of things but we should follow Paul’s example during the wait.
I think the reason Paul was content was because he understood (the secret) that he could only get through the difficulties because of God’s strength (Philippians 4:13). Sometimes in our waiting we get fed up because we forget to draw our strength from the Father. We get so caught up at looking at others situations (not knowing what they’ve been through) and thinking that we know what’s best for us. We need to realize that we are not God and we shouldn’t question His perfect plan. We need to stop looking at the situation and remind ourselves that He knows what’s best for us, He has a reason for us being in that situation, and He will give us strength to make it through. I believe in our waiting and being content we can also learn valuable lessons from God, because every situation is another way to experience God as we depend on Him.
In due time, KW...in due time.
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