i am probably one of, if not THE most indecisive person on earth. if i go to a restaurant that has too extensive of a menu (read: Cheesecake Fac with its 50 pages of food choices!), i've got major problems. not because i'm a picky eater (i'm not), but just because i simply can't make up my mind when i'm given too many choices. if i get the chicken, inevitably i'm wondering what the fish would've tasted like, etc. you get my point.
if i have that much difficulty with deciding what to eat, you can only imagine how i am with the MAJOR decisions of my life. i was thinking about this earlier as i was talking to my Sororfriend, reflecting on a major decision that i made to scale back--tremendously--in my chapter responsibilities. now to some of you reading this, that might not seem like a big deal..but for me, Ms. Pink-and-Green Busy-Bee herself, it was HUGE, as my dedication to my chapter responsibilities has been my primary activity outside of parenting and corporate hustling.
this whole issue of praying and asking God for guidance/discernment has had me racking my brain lately. God doesn't give me the Charlton Heston 10 Commandments booming voice from heaven when i ask for answers. i don't feel lightning bolts, shivers, manna raining down on my head, or whispers in my ear. but, what i do get is peace. as someone who is admittedly high-strung (sometimes)-always on the go, constantly fighting the worry/anxiety trap, and an over-thinker, i find it very difficult to still myself and my mind enough to get into a contemplative, meditative state to hear from the Lord. when i get to that space...and i feel that sense of peace..then i know that i have made the right decision...that i am moving in the right direction.
i told my friend today that though my natural tendency is to second-guess decisions that take me outside of my comfort-zone or go beyond other's narrow expectations of me.....i have peace about where i am right now..about what i'm doing...about where He's taking me.
the war continues to rage on the battlefield of my mind.
but i pursue peace.
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1 comment:
the beauty and power of God made tangible...how He knows each of us so well and knows how He needs to speak to us and guide us through this life. The battle between what the Spirit is telling us and what we want rages always...however the blessing is knowing how and when He is speaking to you...the spiritual nudging (counting another blessing He has provided)...awesome word
JMD
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