cry me a river

when the last time you had a good cry? i mean a REALLY good cry? body-wracking, shoulder-shuddering sobs....with noise? can you remember? if you can--good. if you can't, that concerns me.

i'm a crybaby--and proud of it! i'm not ashamed to cry and i will do it--when sad, when angry, when overjoyed, when touched. the sting of forthcoming tears behind my eyelids doesn't bother me, and i've even gotten to the space where i don't mind the "ugly cry"-the one where my hair gets all in my face and my ends start to get frizzy from the moisture, where pieces of hastily applied Kleenex cling to my cheeks, my nose is running, and I am gasping for air at the mere energy that is expelled to weep.

now, don't confuse my message here--i'm not some sadist/masochist who gets pleasure from pain--and more often then not, tears are the byproduct of some sort of pain. but, what i do know is that crying, to me anyway, provides a sense of release. tho i may not feel 100% better about whatever it is that caused me to cry, once the session is over i almost always feel lighter. once the tears have stopped, the noise has quieted, and i am able to open my eyes, the burden seems slightly lighter, even if just for a little while.

i am convinced that uncried tears and bottled-up emotions causes ppl to break. men are taught not to cry--that it makes them "less than a man"--and i know many women who won't cry, especially in front of their children, because they have to "keep it all other"--or atleast appear that way. i stopped shielding my tears a long time ago from PC. she and i live alone, and there are times when i need to just have a good cry and there's nowhere else to go--when something is troubling me, someone has made me upset, or when i'm upset at myself. i have tried many times, unsuccessfully to hold it in because i thought i might be "damaging her" by showing my emotions. but, i stopped. because, growing up in a family where outward displays of emotion were not encouraged has challenged me as an adult to embrace my tears and be okay about crying them. i want for PC to feel that same way, as she matures away from the crying that she does now which is borne more out of not getting her way and/or not being able to communicate clearly--to the crying that she will do as a young person and adult to express those things that words cannot say. so, i do cry in front of her every now and then...and, in her infinite Toddler Wisdom, she always knows just the right thing to do, which is generally pat my back with a smile of pure angelic innocence--you see, they are much smarter than we give them credit for.

the Woman with the Alabaster box washed Jesus' feet with her tears. tears of adoration, of love, of joy, of sweet release. she didn't care what she looked like, sounded like, or what others thought of her. and, as they cleansed Him, they were also cleansing for her wounded spirit.

are you in need of a good, cleansing cry? have you been holding back those tears because of keeping up those outward appearances? because of embarassment? because of false expectations of masculinity or strength? i challenge you to throw those notions out of the window, and allow yourself that release. find a good friend that you can cry with--that can embrace you, listen, and comfort.


i'm no doctor, but my personal experience makes this diagnosis clear: it's better out than in.

so, let it out.

*here's a Kleenex.