sunday nite, i was up late, handling one of my [favorite] pasttimes--PC's laundry. normally, i do laundry at pretty oddball times so there's no one else in there with me, but on sunday, i had company. her name was Becka and we struck up a conversation as she pittered away on her laptop, writing a paper on, of all things "theology librarians."
being the pseudo-theologian i am, i asked her if she was in seminary--she told me no, that she was actually working on a Master's of Library Science (booknerd--i LOVE it!), but had been entertaining the thought of going to rabbinical school to, you know, become a rabbi. i told her that i had been considering seminary, and we started a very lively discussion about interfaith topics. i thoroughly enjoyed this conversation because I LOVE to talk about comparitive religion, particularly with my Jewish brethren as i studied Judaism for many years, considered conversion at one time in my life, and still have a huge appreciation and love for the Jewish faith (and my homeboy JC was a Jew too 2000+ years ago!).
we started talking about the Jewish high holy days that are coming up soon, in particular Yom Kippur which falls on October 9th. for those that don't know, Yom Kippur is the Jewish Day of Atonement, a time for solemn reflection, asking God and others for forgiveness of trespasses. we talked about how we should be in a constant position of asking God for His forgiveness (which He so freely gives, even tho we often don't deserve it) and we should also be in a position of asking others for their forgiveness...instead of waiting and trying to cram it all in the week before YK.
excellent concept, which stretches beyond religious/denomational boundaries. we agree!
so, here's where Rihanna comes in.
in her latest ode to love-gone-awry, Ri-Ri tells her wayward boyfriend:
don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not
boy, you're only sorry you got caught
i thought about how we give apologies sometimes. how we say, 'i'm sorry, BUT...." telling the offended how supposedly sorry we are, but then justifying it with a "BUT you....." in my opinion, the insertion of "but" cancels out the apology.
do we REALLY mean those apologies? or are we just apologizing because it sounds good, even though we feel justified in however we acted (or reacted) to the other person?
tho we may not always agree with how a person felt by something that we did or said, i think when we care and love for ppl, it should be an almost natural response to feel remorse when we've hurt them. i once had someone tell me that he was justified in doing/saying anything he wanted, at any time, because he had a responsiblity to speak the truth, no matter whose feelings got hurt in the process. this person had a tendency to go off on profanity-laced, insensitive tirades to friends and family-members in the name of "speaking the truth" and would not, under any circumstances, apologize.
when you apologize to someone, it allows you to be free--free from guilt, free from shame. tho the person may not ever forgive you, you can rest assured that you tried...and hopefully, you apologized authentically. and, it also frees you to be forgiving towards them when they feel compelled to apologize to you--as God has forgiven you.
forgiveness doesn't mean that the behavior is excused--what you accept, you teach as acceptable. but it does mean that you can move on from any leftover anger or bitterness which does nothing to stunt your growth.
do you have anyone you need to atone with today? anyone you owe an apology to? it's never too late.
exit the Stage of the Unresolved--no bow needed.
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