fatal attraction

a couple of weeks ago, i discovered that there's a name for people like me: "Friendster." a Friendster, by definition, is a person that is open, and tries to make a friend wherever they go--attempting to find a common ground/connection with other ppl and then if it clicks, a new friendship could potentially be sprouted. growing up an only child, i had to learn to be independent, play by myself, and create imaginary friends when the situations arose. as i got older--i would say beginning in my mid-high school years and beyond--i started to really take my friendships seriously, treating and considering those closest to me like family, the brothers/sisters that i'd never had. that sentiment continues to this day, and i place a lot of value/stock into my friendships, and though i'm not perfect, i try to continuously cultivate the relationships with my sisterfriends because they are sustaining, life-giving, and invaluable.

there are a lot of women in my age/peer group who wave the banner of "i don't need any new friends"--they're perfectly content with the handful of homegirls that they have, and they feel fulfilled in those relationships. they're not really looking to expand that circle and/or put in the work that is involved in getting to know a completely new person on a close level. that stems from a lot of places--simple disinterest, fear of failure/vulnerability, etc. not looking to expand your circle is not necessarily a negative thing, as each person has their own reasons based upon their life experiences, but i also think that when we are closed to those possibilities, subconsciously, we may be blocking a blessing.

i meet ppl all the time in social settings, thru other friends, by accident, etc. i almost always look for a way to connect (the "Friendster" in me) and sometimes it sticks, and sometimes it doesn't. as i've been reflecting over the ppl that i've met, befriended, [dated], etc over the past 5 or 6 yrs since i've been doing this thing called "being grown," i started thinking about the notion of "we are what we attract." i've always wondered how much truth there was to that statement. if you are what you attract, if you attract great ppl--does that mean you're great? if you attract craz--er...um..."interesting" ppl, does that mean you're interesting? is your picker just off if you keep getting presented with "interesting" folks? or do you keep getting presented with those situations to teach you something?

i discussed in an earlier blog about friendship how being open (now referred to as being a "Friendster") can make you extremely vulnerable, and sometimes a few bad apples will get by, but eventually the positive energy and love that you exude will be propelled back to you. also on the lines of "being grown" i've learned to take retrospectives about every relationship/friendship that might have gone awry to try and figure out what my contribution was, even if my contribution was nothing more than not reading the signs early on or staying too long. i feel that one has officially "arrived" when they can do that soulwork and really get in their OWN face about their OWN stuff, without placing all of the blame on the other party.

so, on some levels, i think we are what we attract, even in our weak places. if you have insecurities/emotional issues within you that are unresolved, i believe that subconsciously, you can attract ppl who may prey on those insecurities, maybe not maliciously, but just by way of the dynamic of your interactions with them. spiritually, the enemy is always looking for an in, and he is the Master Manipulator, so if you're not careful, he will use even those closest to you to attempt to break you down and stir up things that you've either moved past...or are actively working to move past.

i think we are what we attract in our positive places, as well. as an example, i know ppl who have said that they aren't really looking for new friends, but when that right fit comes along, a new friend they have! and, in being open to that, they've found a great new person to share this journey called Life with, purposed by whatever reason that God saw fit to bring them into each other's lives.

i am feeling at a good place--at a golden place, as Jilly from Philly would say. i finally have an identity in this Friendster role--yay, lol! and i am comfortable with that. i have great, POSITIVE ppl around me, who love me in spite of me, and whose actions towards me, even when they have to give me "feedback," is rooted in true friendship and most importantly, love.

my "picker" is getting better, i think, and i am learning the art of saying goodbye when necessary. i am me, and i am ok--and i know that being me, loving who He made me to be, working on me always, and modeling me after Him as best i can, has gotten me to this place. and that is a good place--not a perfect place, but a GOOD place.

and that, is the most atrractive thing of all :)